Charting: Sometimes You Really Do Just Have To Laugh!!!

Each cycle gets harder and harder. Every time my period showed I questioned what we did wrong either physically or in our lives that we shouldn’t be pregnant. And it was such a deep, stabbing pain in the heart. To have to walk through your every day life at work, out in public, with friends as if nothing was wrong was pure torture as I was writhing in sadness inside.

So how do you make it through this? I think everyone is different, but there were a couple of things that helped me out. First and foremost was the community of great, strong, understanding women I found at Fertility Friend. For once, I could talk incessantly about the struggles of trying to conceive … and it was OK! I didn’t have a friend telling me to “just relax and it will happen”. That was definitely not my problem as it turned out. But even it it were, it was so irritating to hear that said! There were women out there who could relate and understand and offer that ear to let me express myself and offer the encouragement I needed to stay hopeful just one more cycle. What a release to post in the forums or chat and get it all out. And I realized that there are more women out there like me! No longer was I jealous of that pregnant belly I saw at the grocery store. I don’t know what she went through to finally get it (probably more than me!).

Second, you’ve got to try hard to see humour in some of it. OK, that’s not always easy. But if you can find something to laugh at and share with others, it can make it easier for you and those with whom you share. For example I have my husband’s sperm analysis testing story, or as I like to call it, “The [insert a seedy motel name here] Incident”. After the rounds of charting, timing, losses and wondering what was wrong that we hadn't yet conceived, we began testing. Now, my dear husband wasn’t too fond of needing to have his sperm tested but I reminded him that what he needed to do to get a specimen MUST be easier than the stirrups and sometimes uncomfortable (OK, sometimes painful) tests I had to endure. He agreed.

The problem came when the one testing facility available to us turned up to be a 45 minute drive from home in good traffic. If anything were to happen, that 45 minute drive in Atlanta traffic could be more than doubled. So we were advised to make the deposit in the office. No problem. It might be a little more clinical and cold, but if it was anything like they showed on TV it would be easy: a quiet, private room and maybe some "reading material" or "movies" to help if he needed it. Still, I went along for the support. Thank goodness! Despite it being the only place we could do this in Atlanta, it was faaaaar from the TV version. When directed to make a deposit, my husband was led to the one bathroom right there at the waiting room…which was a waiting area not just for other people in this situation but people of all ages needing any type of lab testing. I stepped in with him and we closed the door whispering and wide-eyed. Even I couldn’t fathom him getting a sperm sample as everyone outside in the waiting room watched us go into the restroom together and a little girl whined and cried outside the door saying she needed to use the bathroom NOW!!! We stepped back out and I whispered to the nurse that we really needed a room with some sort of privacy. We were told that was simply not available. My gosh, were we going to try to do this in the parking lot?! We were panicked then spotted outside the window a cheap motel across the street. We informed the staff we’d be back with our sample. At that point we were told even after getting a sample we’d be required to drive it down the road to another location! WHAT?! OK. We were willing to do what we had to! We wanted a baby! We got the paperwork so we could go directly from the motel to the other location with what we needed.

The entire episode became more hysterical as we walked into the lobby and my husband requested a room for 15 minutes. I could feel my ears turning red from the blush. He then proceeded to explain why. Where was the closest rock? I needed something to hide under! He even managed to make light of it that the motel probably did a lot of business simply because the testing facility lacked a private room for obtaining sperm samples. Finally with key in hand we rush out. I ask my husband in pure astonishment why he offered so much private information and he explained he was more worried about them thinking we were having an affair.

We found our room and without giving too much information, let’s just say my husband was glad I was there for inspiration and encouragement. Once he had what he needed he zoomed out the door to drive the precious cargo down the road while I gathered our things to leave. When he returned he seemed very uncomfortable and embarrassed and swore that the personnel at the lab were laughing at him. I reassured him no one was laughing at him, consoling him like a child as I bustled around grabbing things to leave. I was so very ready to go home. He continued to insist he felt self concious and I continued to insist he was being silly, not looking at him until we were sitting in the bright sunlight of the car. That is when I looked him in the face and burst into hysterical laughter and agreed they were probably laughing at him. His face was covered with my lipstick! If it weren’t for being able to laugh, I would have had to cry. Yes, sometimes we just have to laugh.